Twenty Things you Didn't Know ABout Ninjaworld!
by The Mad Dragon
Summary: ONE SHOT! Twenty short and sweet little facts about Ninjaworld, and the people who live in it!


_**Disclaimer:**_** If I owned Naruto, Jiraiya would be the Grand Sage Kage of the Multiverse.**

**AN: I must give credit to the Naruto fic "Catch 22" which inspired this one. Go read it! You'll never regret it!**

**ONE**

The Shodai Hokage, Hashirama Senju, while being a magnificently powerful shinobi, was extremely vulnerable to alcohol. One embarrassing incident was when he challenged Madara Uchiha to a karoake contest after three sips of sake. It was the first time Madara ever lost in his entire life. (It's also what started the personal feud between him and the Shodai.)

Tsunade, due to only being Hashirama's granddaughter, was not as susceptable to alcohol as Hashirama.

It takes her _three_ cups of sake to completely shit-faced drunk.

**TWO**

Polygamy was once legal in Konohagakure.

The Nidaime, Tobirama Senju, was most famous outside of the battlefield for being a legendary figure as a ladies man. While he was a self-admitted womanizer, if he came to like a woman enough, he would declare his undying love for her. This led to legal difficulties because Tobirama wanted to marry them _all._ At the time, it was not legal, so one day Tobirama marched into his brother's office and demanded an exemption be made. Hashirama, who had never approved of his brother's life-style, flatly refused. After three hours of debate, which included insulting each other's hygiene, hair-style, and whether or not water elemental chakra was _feminine, _Tobirama challenged his brother for the title of Hokage. Hashirama accepted, the two then marched into a remote location in Fire Country, the fight turned the unremarkable patch of forest into a world famous hotspring.

But the end result was that Tobirama defeated his older brother, an ambition he had since he became the day he became a shinobi. They laughed about in later years, but Sarutobi Hiruzen and his teammates, who had tagged along to witness the battle were not amused; they secretly vowed to never again let the title of Hokage be settled over something so _stupid._

And so, when Tobirama became the Nidaime, he declared that anyone in the village could have as many life partners as they wanted, which led to the growth of several clans that were on the verge of inbreeding. (The Inuzuka _still_ keep a small shrine in their home in honor of the Nidaime.)

When Tobirama died on the field of battle, and Danzou and Hiruzen competing with each other in public debates for the title of Sandaime, the Council took advantage of the situation. Being filled with more conservative members, they decided to do away with the law Tobirama had become Nidaime for. Which led to all of Tobirama's wives without any legal claim to his name or fortunes. One wife in particular decided that the child she had only just found out she was pregnant with would never know about his heritage, and decided to just tell him he was the son of a merchant who had died in his sleep.

Thankfully, Jiraiya would never know that Tsunade was his cousin.

**THREE**

The Sandaime, Hiruzen Sarutobi, hated paperwork more than anything else in his life. Well, Orochimaru _barely_ surpassed it after his betrayal of Konoha, but the paperwork was just as irritating. (At least Orochimaru had the decency to disappear for years on end.)

Hiruzen obatained his final revenge though. For every document he ever went over, he had a secondary copy made for himself immediately after. He placed them all in a sizable vault in a cave three miles away from konoha. Each and every pice of paper had been attached to an explosive tag specially made to detonate the second he died.

The Sandaime died with a smile on his face. For more than one reason.

**FOUR**

Minato Namikaze always preffered simple solutions to complicated situations.

His first time facing an enemy nin, who was about chuunin level, Minato defeated him with a kunai, a simple bunshin, and a henge... in nine seconds.

The first time he summoned in combat, he used forty small toads to hold his enemies down as he used four shurikens to reprieve them of their stolen goods.

And when he turned Jonin, he defeated his sensei, the great Jiraiya himself, with taijutsu, two toad summons, and the Rasengan- which he disippated in the last second. (Although, in Jiraiya's defense, Minato was fighting defensively the whole time.)

But none of this isn't _nearly _as impressive as how he won the heart of the woman who became his wife. All that is known is that it involved a slingshot, a Rasengan, a ramen coupon, a pie, and the complete destruction of every member of Iwagakure's Jonin ranks. And then she knocked him out, and dragged him by his foot back to her place.

**FIVE**

During Tsunade Senju's first week in office, a pair of Chuunin were debating how long Tsunade would last as Hokage. One stated he believed she would retire in fifteen to twenty years. The other said she would probably get killed or maimed beyond hope of recovery within five years. Tsunade, overhearing this, betted on the former's prediction before Shizune could stop her.

It was the second worst bet she ever made.

**SIX**

When Naruto Uzumaki obtains the title of Rokudaime Hokage, it will not be with a smile or laughter with his friends that he greets the climax of his dream. It will be with tears.

Tears for all the people innocent people who suffered because of Orochimaru and Akatsuki.

Tears for Sasuke, who even he, _Naruto,_ who had stopped the unstoppable Pain with _words,_ could not save.

Tears for his relationship with Sakura, who neither of them didn't even know how to _talk to each other _anymore.

Tears for Jiraiya.

Tears for the parents he never knew.

And tears for all the the Konoha shinobi who died since he was a Genin.

Yet, when he walks out to face the crowd, _all of them_ roaring their appreciation and love for him, all of his shinobi friends- even the foreign ones- cheering his name, and Hinata's smiling face as she lifts the Hokage's hat onto his head... it will be with tears of he declares himself the Rokudaime Hokage.

... And then Kiba ruined the moment by dumping fifteen gallons of gatorade on his head.

**SEVEN**

When the Sage of Six Paths imprisoned the Juubi's body, he didn't _create_ the moon as myth's say. No...

... He broke it in half, stuck the fuzzy bastard in and slammed it back together.

Then he made the Kyuubi his personal mount.

**EIGHT**

When Jiraiya's death came, he held no regrets about having children.

He had already been a father for two young arrogant blonde punks.

**NINE**

Konan and Nagato honestly tried to hold a relationship once, but sadly 'Pain' was not _that_ much of a masochist.

She still has the whip and the outfit, though.

**TEN**

The day Hyuuga Hinata won Naruto's heart was an _intersting _one to say the least.

On a dare from Ino, along with not an unconsiderable amount of peer pressure, Hinata had a few glasses of a foreign alcahol on her birthday. And she got _drunk._

Not just drunk, but _incredibly and stupendously drunk._

She entered a state of inebriation not seen since the Shodai Hokage. When she had her thirteenth glass, she kicked the table over and began to _cuss the fuck out_ at each and every person she saw belittle Naruto once in their lives. This continued on into the streets with Ino trying -and failing- to stop her. Unfortunately for the villagers, Hinata had a rather _long_ and _accurate_ memory.

One particualr incident from of her wrath was when Hinata _beat the living hell_ out of some instructors that had given Naruto a hard time. It ended when she _flung _two of them into an alley near Ichiraku's.

When Naruto looked up from his ramen long enough to see what was going on, Hinata met his eyes. (All six of them from her Drunk-O-Vision.)

In that instant, the Hyuuga girl _snapped._

She jump tackled Naruto down to the ground, and began kissing him _everywhere_ from the chest up, proclaiming her eternal and undying love for him, and the supreme desire to bear his children. (She was honestly aiming for his lips, but she kept trying figure out which one in her blurred vision was the real Naruto...)

That was when Ino started taking photo's.

Needless to say, the next day Hinata woke up in a strange place (with the worst hangover in all of history) and began to hyperventillate as she recalled the night's events.

... And then Naruto's arm dragged her nude form back down to bed so as to reclaim his precious new pillows.

**ELEVEN**

Once upon a time, fate laughed in Hidan and Kakuzu's faces.

One of Kakuzu's get-rich-quick schemes was to enter in a rapping contest. He finished second place. The man who took first place was a dark skinned man with white hair who _would not stop rhyming every sentence he spoke._ Hidan wanted to make an offering to Jashin with the man, but he figured Jashin would get pissed at him for sending such a completely obnoxious moron to him. Kakuzu collected his winnings and they left.

Killer Bee just smiled and let the two morons go, saving their defeat for another day.

**TWELVE**

When Ino found that she was still single by the age of twenty, she became... _desperate._

So crazed by her availability, she held an international contest held in Konoha that would promise her hand in marriage to the victor. During this maddened state, she _somehow_ got Shikamaru, Chouji, and Temari to to be to create the challenges. And to top it all off, she got _Naruto_ -the Hokage himself!- to referee the final portion.

Many Hidden Villages took it as an opportunity to showcase their skills. They sent many ninja to compete, but only one Leaf-Nin entered. The Konoha ninja wore only an ordinary black shirt and pants with a chuunin vest and a face mask that covered his features with only small eyeholes. Whoever this ninja was, he displayed a freakish amount of strength, skill, and intelligence. He defeated all of her team's appointed challenges, and _trounced_ all the other competitors.

As the tournament went on, Ino became very excited when she saw she had attracted such a powerful suitor. In fact, she would pay for a thousand meals for Chouji just to see his face!

When the dust settled, and Ino declared him the winner. The great nin reached up to his face and withdrew his mask...

... and Sakura Haruno asked, "Ne, ne, Ino-chan, which one of us will wear the dress at the wedding?"

**THIRTEEN**

Once upon a time, Chouji and Shikamaru came across a flyer for an eating contest, and not just _any _contest: it was held against the Bear Boss Summon from an Iwa ninja.

Chouji felt the need to defend his Akimichi honor.

It was the _only _time _anyone_ had ever seen a Summon explode from the inside out back to it's world.

**FOURTEEN**

When Orochimaru and Jiraiya were children, they would argue who would become the Hokage. They argued whethor or not the natural genius of the shinobi art, or the genius of hard work was the greater ninja.

Once upon a time, during their Chuunin Exam, Jiraiya defeated Orochimaru. That event offered _proof _to the young genius that he could actually die. That he was not immortal. It was the begining of his madness.

When the Sandaime called Jiraiya back to Konoha after Orochimaru left, he pleaded Jiraiya to become the Yondaime.

Jiraiya laughed.

**FIFTEEN**

One year, during Naruto's reign as Hokage, Iwagakure decided to test the power of Konoha's new leader. Sadly, Iwa did not know Naruto had mastered his father's most infamous technique, and not only that, _he improved it._

Over three hundred Iwa Shinobi had stood against him, he offered them to surrender. They refused. And it was with that Naruto brought two hundred and ninety-nine Kage Bunshins, had them all form Rasengans, and _then_ he used Hiraishin.

Kiba Inuzuka described the massacre to his genin students as a macabre version of pinball.

At the end of the 'invasion', Naruto had been bestowed a new name; Konoha's Shadow Clone Thunder God.

**SIXTEEN**

When Naruto was visiting Myobukuzan, Fukusaku presented him with a bundle of cloth, Naruto asked what it was. The Great Sage replied, "Look for yourself, and never again understimate the power of the Sage.

Naruto took the bundle into his arms and gasped. It was a baby... with white hair and two red tear like streaks down his face.

The student had became the master, and the master had become the son.

**SEVENTEEN**

Kiba Inuzuka, tired of being single, set out on a great quest to find somebody to spend the rest of his life with. And so, he left the village- after bribing the Hokage for permission with biggest bowl of beef ramen Fire Country had ever seen- and began to wander aimlessly, hoping to stumble across some hot babe.

He thought he might find some chick under attack, save the day, and get the girl.

Instead, he found a dark skinned, redheaded Kumo nin slaughtering a group of Iwa nin. After she was done, she pointed her sword at him and demanded his identity. Kiba simply replied he was a Konoha ninja, it was none of her business who he was, and promptly told the 'crazy bitch' to 'shut the hell up.'

This would turn out to be a mistake.

The Kumo kunoichi proceeded to launch into a fight with the Inuzuka that would devastate the landscape around them. Oddly enough, Akamaru refused to participate. The battle continued for hours -due to both of them agreeing to the occasional time out, exchanging insults that became more flirtatious than anything else- and ended when niether had enough chakra left to continue. Where they got the energy to have _wild monkey sex_ is a mystery to this day.

What _is _known is that it produced the most lovingly bickering couple the world has ever known.

**EIGHTEEN**

During their travels, Zabuza made a solemn vow concerning Haku.

He would never play darts with the boy again. _Ever._

**NINETEEN**

After his defeat by Naruto, and the revelation about his father's death had been revealed, Neji's relationship with Hinata drastically improved. They became inseperable, and one was rarely seen without the other on missions. He did many things for her (despite her protests that he didn't have to) such as cooking her helping her with her training, and showing her how to do the Kaiten.

But he _did_ make her swear _never_ to reveal that he did her hair.

**TWENTY**

For Sasuke Uchiha, the end was slightly better to be expected.

It's too bad that Naruto refuses to tell anyone the story of the Last Uchiha's death.

**END**

**AN: I must give credit to the Naruto fic "Catch 22" which inspired this one. Go read it! You'll never regret it!**


End file.
